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[13 Feb 2011|01:54pm] |
I know the stars by their names,
Aldebaran, Altair,
And I know the path they take
Up heaven’s broad blue stair.
I know the secrets of men
By the look of their eyes,
Their gray thoughts, their strange thoughts
Have made me sad and wise.
But your eyes are dark to me
Though they seem to call and call —
I cannot tell if you love me
Or do not love me at all.
I know many things,
But the years come and go,
I shall die not knowing
The thing I long to know.
- Sara Teasdale
Tomorrow is Valentine's day. I never quite noticed it before. I think I prefered it when I didn't know when it was.
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[25 Dec 2010|12:21pm] |
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...I don't like throwing up.
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[16 Nov 2010|06:20pm] |
I know the night is not the same as the day: that all things are different, that the things of the night cannot be explained in the day, because they do not then exist, and the night can be a dreadful time for lonely people once their loneliness has started.
- Ernest Hemingway
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[26 Aug 2010|09:07am] |
It's strange when you feel as though nothing changes, particularly yourself, to realize something about you has been changed forever. I have scars now. One side of me is no longer the same as the other. It doesn't bother me, in fact, I find the way they stand out rather fascinating. I was told they'll fade, as the wounds that caused them weren't particularly terrible. I look forward to watching their progress.
They're the only good that's come out of a troubling situation. I hate to be watched, and now I feel as though I'm watched all the time. I've made apologies and promises, but no one wants to listen. I can't tell them a monster that came out of my mind did it I suppose they don't have any reason to trust me. I suppose, if I were them, I wouldn't believe me either.
It all makes me tired.
School will be starting soon. Having a schedule again will be good, I think. It will feel different for a while. But in the end, every day is exactly the same.
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[31 Jul 2010|06:52pm] |
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O sleep! O gentle sleep!
Nature’s soft nurse, how have I frighted thee,
That thou no more wilt weigh my eyelids down
And steep my senses in forgetfulness?
- William Shakespeare
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[18 Jul 2010|03:21pm] |
Unhappy is he to whom the memories of childhood bring only fear and sadness. Wretched is he who looks back upon lone hours in vast and dismal chambers with brown hangings and maddening rows of antique books, or upon awed watches in twilight groves of grotesque, gigantic, and vine-encumbered trees, that silently wave twisted branches far aloft. Such a lot the gods gave to me - to me, the dazed, the disappointed, the barren, the broken. And yet I am strangely content and cling desperately to those sere memories, when my mind momentarily threatens to reach beyond to the other.
- From The Outsider, H.P. Lovecraft.
I am tired today.
Private
Nightmares. I have so many. Soon I know they will creep into daylight hours, not content to skulk around in the shadows of my room while I try to sleep. They'd go away with a pill, but would my pet go too? I'm so frightened that he will, and I don't want him to! I like him to be there, whenever I want him. Its so nice to not have to be alone, and he's so large and strong, I feel protected. What if he goes, and all the rest stay?
I worry.
I'm tired.
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[04 Jun 2010|04:16pm] |
There was a dog in the yard today. But it wasn't real.
I think I wouldn't mind if it came back.
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[01 Jun 2010|09:38pm] |
I've returned to school, though I'd rather not have to go. I enjoy learning on my own far better, I find being in a classroom terribly distracting. I hate to be looked at...I wish they would not call on me. I know the answers, I could write them if they wanted, why do I need to have the rest of the class know that I know?
School is very tiring. It is good that there is only a few weeks left. Summer is tiring too, but not quite so bad.
The blue of the sky, some days, is nice.
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